Trina Hoefling Untethered

As many of my friends and colleagues know, the last 14 months of my life I have been an unpaid and reluctant part-time administrative assistant for JP Morgan Chase, which services my mortgage. I have a timeline and documentation that would bore all of us, one which I’m still working on tightening up for palatable communication and distribution. Just too long as to be unbearable to read, or even ask anyone to read.

The executive summary is that the hours and project management that has gone into my effort to manage gracefully a revamping of my financial picture to accommodate current reality has been Herculean, diligent and compliant, assertive and redundant.

Please understand that I’m not going to grouse – much. Or defend because I know how responsible I have been and that it really didn’t matter. So be it. I am changing my game plan, though, and reactivating this blog with a new Category as part of that game plan. I’ll explain in a minute.

My game plan has been to work with JP Morgan and Chase, both locally and in New York. Local employees have had even less success than I have myself.

I have submitted or resubmitted the same and updated paperwork to Chase more times than I can count without consulting my very thick log. I set up a project management plan because, for example, my case was closed without informing me, Chase communications are internally contradictory, and even after buying stock in the company in the hope I would receive humane treatment rather than discourteous or nonexistent customer service, it got worse. I need the help because if my temporary downturn in income. It took 14 months for Chase to tell me no because my situation was a ‘temporary downturn in income.’ No kidding! Really? And the second reason? I’ve been paying my bills. Really?

14 months. My story isn’t even news anymore. I will not benefit from Obama’s executive order. I cry uncle. Maybe today’s meeting between the White House and Wall Street will make a difference and this blog is moot.

I have a media campaign & spread the word plan, media contacts, private phone numbers into Dimon’s office and Obama’s administration to possibly provide ammunition to aid others and raise citizen activitism. I am dragging my feet. I ask myself why. To have come so far, only to close the door with less money, less time, more deferred home maintenance, and less faith in so many things…. I drag my feet. Why?

I’m tired. I’m disillusioned. Probably learned helplessness, as I have had to explore my internal landscape when I feel caught in Victim mode. It’s ironic even. JP Morgan was a previous client hiring us to assess their readiness for a virtual work environment. I liked them. I’ve always enjoyed listening to Jamie Dimon.

The financial lack of results is infuriating, but the bigger pain for me is that I am giving up on the system. I need to focus – and WANT to – on my work and thought leadership in helping organizations and people grow through better collaboration for strategic accomplishment across internal, geographic, and organizational boundaries. My upbringing chides me – you’re letting them win.

My time spent jumping through hoops to entertain the drones of the robber barons has taken me from my business development activity.

And I am one of the lucky ones. My income has been slashed by 2/3, but I have been working even if a bit underutilized. In 2009 75% of my net income went to my house payment.

I’ve made 3 decisions.
1. My commitment to doing good work over greed has not served me, and greed is still good on Wall Street. I have to find the balance that works for me. That is MY work. I tilt at windmills when I find injustice doggedly, and that has to go on hold for the time being.
2. I have worked with businesses over a quarter century, and I am mission, strategy, even business model neutral. I am Values Alignment and People Integrity biased. If JPMorgan says it fosters “a culture that stresses the highest ethical standards in support of clients,” I want to see aligned words and action. When I don’t, I will move on as quickly as I can, whether as consultant, advisor, or customer. I am accomplishment committed, and words and actions misaligned interfere with accomplishment. Anyone want to finance my mortgage when on paper it don’t look so good? (Only half kidding, and no mortgage lenders need apply.)
3. I have to scale back my efforts to fix the unmotivated, like the banks. I want to see this through but need to leverage my time more smartly, so commit to short updates in a separate blog category here. If you are or know an interested party (media, influencers in business or DC, activist changemakers and professional consumer rights advocates, politicians, affected individuals) who might want to join, lead, or take on the banks’ total indifference to us middle class Americans…. Please forward, connect or join the conversation.

I’m getting back to the work I love to do – facilitating forward movement for people who want to move forward. Thanks for letting me get this imperfectly expressed frustration off my chest.

I want to be part of it but cannot lead. I have to do my work, save my home, and live my life again.
It’s up to me; just not in the way I foresaw.

I don’t know about you, but I find myself working a part-time job being an informed citizen faced with some pretty important decisions. That means I watch a lot of newscasts and C-Span, listen to talk radio all across the radio dial, and wear out my mouse while stressing my neck. And all the while, I think. I listen and re-listen, intentionally taking different positions and points of view so that I can “listen” past my own filters. I want to choose well. Past cynicism and party and fear and hope. I want to choose well based on the unvarnished state of our nation and world from the most pervasive and egoless place I can to make the best choice for all concerned. I really do think and believe and hopefully at least sometimes ACT that way.

I’ve spent the last couple weeks traveling through the Midwest, connecting with old friends from school, church members, old friends of my parents, my nephews Nick and Tanner, academicians and colleagues at the Collaboration & Innovation 2008 conference, and I’ve gotten to know some of my fellow contributing writers to The Handbook of High Performance Virtual Teams. I’m teaching and talking with students – undergrad, grad, and post-doctoral students. I’m learning from, presenting and dialoguing with thought leaders in collaboration, innovation, and virtual teaming. I’m having a great time – feeding my intellectual, emotional, curious, expansive critical thinking, homesick and happy to be hanging in a green and wet place sides of all of me.

And I’m worrying and gnashing my teeth and wringing my hands as I devour many forms of “the news.”

I’m actually flipping channels and regularly catching parts of the networks’ evening news! Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I have been more of a Charlie Rose and C-Span news watcher.

My point? I have another part-time job, and not just because I’m a worrier. I take my duty as a citizen seriously, and have been watching this perfect storm form for a long, long time. Not trying to position myself as particularly smart. On the contrary, people much smarter than me are working on the economic system within which I live and operate. What I am, though, is cynical when greed and WIIFM override the other part of the mind reminding us that we are all impacted by our actions, and that consequences matter.

And I could easily go down that blame and I-told-you-so track. Or the worry track – I have a lot of practice with that. Or the anger track – now that’s a whole fun roller coaster ride, but not today. Or the Secret Law of Attraction track – and I can and do ride that rail, too.

Today I simply want to go down the Movie plot line track.

In talking across the miles of road and time, we talk about current events and say something like:

“This is frickin’ unbelievable.”

Like it were just another day.

And, I guess, it is.

But I hope to all that is holy that America registers, watches past our unique combination of filters that absolutely guarantee that no matter how careful, no matter how busy, no matter how smart we are… we cannot be responsible if we don’t at least look, watch, and listen with as much conscious awareness of our biases and prejudices and habits as we can.

I know I want the next batch of my days to be wonderful not only in my travels across miles and time, not only in my rich life of friendships and family and clients and colleagues, but also in the American / Global dream of freedom and justice for all, and a dramatic and exciting return of our thought and ethical leadership across the planet.

Waxing patriotic. If you are a US Citizen, please listen and talk and scan news sources you haven’t before. Please vote past personality or party. Please listen for the tone of leadership – an ability to connect off the teleprompter and from informed consideration. Please listen for message and go to the candidates’ web sites and read the plans. Dust off your critical thinking skills, and absorb, digest, eliminate a lot, and form your own belief. And if you do at least some of it, then please vote.

I like movies with happy endings. Let’s write one!